black wings

break

2009-10-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

2 day d first day of holiday
sienz....
ntg 2 do
oly slp, eat n on9
break 2 weeks sum more
haiz....
hope days lk tis always come by

so peaceful...

Your Lies

2009-09-06T14:25:00.003+08:00

Funny when things never change
Even when you say they will
But while your off screwing her
My life is standing still

You tell me that you love me
When I go to leave
You tell me I'm your only one
And I let myself believe

I know that you are using me
But you'll never let me go
I know that you don't love me
I know I'm just for show

I don't know If I can stand
To see you love another girl
You know that you broke my heart
You know that your my world

But while your standing by my side
I'll believe your lies forever
Cause everything seems so perfect
When we are together

its time to rise

2009-08-24T14:51:00.003+08:00

i keep thinking about it.
do not know what to do
i know i only have 1 option
and that is to give it up
my mind told me the same thing
unfortunately my heart hurt

mayb an angel wings never suit me
only a black wings will
but will anyone will understand me?
if i continue to be like this?

due to stupidity, im unable to make up my mind
i been a fool for way too long
its time for me to wake up from this nightmare
an angel wings just never strong enough
i need something better, stronger, more powerful
its no turning back, even if i wanted

its time for demon wings
the black feathers that fill with sorrow, hatred and emptiness
add my cursed blood to it
make it strong enough to protect me
able to give me secure...

xxxholic

2009-08-18T14:57:00.001+08:00

by giving out your name, you are giving them the ability to take your soul. by giving out your birthday, you have given over the control of your whole life

for everything you desire, you have to pay an equal price in return

a new experience

2009-07-22T09:40:00.002+08:00

it been awhile since my last post. just started my uni life in mmu. haiz... so tiring... endless of homework and assignment. if not, even worse quiz, test and exams. -.-'' luckily semester break coming soon. going to use that time to recharge and play on full power.

wanted a pair of wing

2009-07-22T09:35:00.002+08:00

i had always wanted a pair of angel wing but its not to fly. instead i wish it would be able to protect me. better yet, a transparent 1, that will wrap around me when i feel insecure. i always hav a mental image of me falling alsleep while being wrap up by the wing like an egg. d feeling of fuzy and warm. how i wish for it tp be true. its always like tis. tis feeling of insecure never dissappear and i noe it never will. thats y i wish for the most impossible. a pair of angel's wing.

the invincible girl

2009-06-10T19:29:00.002+08:00

am i really that hard to catch?
am i really that hard to understand?
if it isnt then why he did not even spare me a moment?

am i really that hard to stand?
that you cant even spend some time with me?

am i really that unlovable?
that you choose to abandon me?

reality check

2009-06-07T20:25:00.002+08:00

its been a week.
no news from him.
shoud i continue to wait?
or should i move on?

ironny, i cant decide..
i want to follow my mind but i ended up follow my heart
i didnt realise i am so helpless before

what should i do?
i really dont know

all this while, i hope...
hope that he will find me
for i know, the moment i see him
i will forget everything that happen

i know its stupid but i just could not help it

hate you

2009-05-30T02:36:00.002+08:00

STUPID STUPID STUPID! why cant u trust me? am i really that hard to trust? am i really so untrustworthy 2 u?

i really scare jz b cuz of tis i lose it all. if tats d case, its so not worth it. i jz wish u could trust me once. jz once. is it so hard 2 trust me jz once?

a reunion

2009-05-23T05:03:00.002+08:00

meet up wit my form 5 cls mates. its been quite awhile since i last see them. al of them r looking more beautiful T.T we meet up in uncle john 2 yum cha den we go gogo ktv 2 sing k til 2 am. haha. had a great time. we even snap a few pic. pic wil b upload when they send it 2 me

2009-05-20T04:21:00.002+08:00

jz read my fren ken latest post, having d feeling we r in a similiar kind of situation. i too hate to love but had fallen in love. its more painful than i anticipated but jz a smile make it feel so worth it. how long can a girl like me hold on? i wanna b closer 2 him. but instead i felt lk oly being his shadow.

my dream

2009-05-18T19:16:00.002+08:00

i dream my sis holding a winnie the pooh handbag. she was putting her wallet, hp n etc inside. it look so cute that i wanna borrow it but kedekut sis wont lend it to me T.T she said she wanna use it. so cute!!

my message toward him

2009-05-16T08:38:00.002+08:00

微微笑的看你越是認真就越讓人心疼
街頭那盞路燈彷彿在笑我愚笨

沒什麼能做但我比誰都真誠
泡一杯苦茶陪伴你到夜深

你知不知道你總有一種很可愛的獨特
讓我充滿勇氣抵抗冬天的寒冷
怎樣做才會完美像個男人
喝一杯苦茶溫暖你的體溫

不用等你開口先說我愛你
在那之前想對你說我願意
你不必問你也不必等
這一刻就值得愛到永恆
我該如何讓你明白我愛你
在那之後你點頭說我願意
想照顧你想守護著你
這一刻就想把你抱緊

你知不知道你也有一種很可愛的天真
大男孩的口吻魅力加到一百分

怎樣做才會完美像個男人
喝一杯苦茶溫暖你的體溫

不用等你開口先說我愛你
在那之前想對你說我願意
你不必問你也不必等
這一刻就值得愛到永恆
我該如何讓你明白我愛你
在那之後你點頭說我願意
想照顧你想守護著你
這一刻就想把你抱緊

雖然永遠太不可能少了你的完整
兩個對的人奇蹟就能發生

不用等你開口先說我愛你
在那之前想對你說我願意
你不必問你也不必等
這一刻就值得愛到永恆
我該如何讓你明白我愛你
在那之後你點頭說我願意
想照顧你想守護著你
這一刻就想把你抱緊

這一刻... 就想把你抱緊

my keyboard ^.^

2009-05-15T17:47:00.003+08:00

tis week i brought 1 of those keyboard sticker. feeling excited i straight away go home after that... but i discover my laptop keyboard are smaller size (a lot) than regular 1. haiz... suan ba... n i jz left d sticker on my table. d next day my sis saw d sticker n she wan 2 stick it 4 me. i let her n it ended up lk tis...

ITS SO CUTE!!! although not al have sticker on them but i stil love it.

the turning

2009-05-15T01:04:00.004+08:00

its feel lk a light started 2 shine lk a sun rising within me. it seem that evry thing is turning around 2 b better, i cant believe its true... however, after having some time to cool off and do some thinking. some one told me some thing thats makes a lot of sense. what if all of this is a set up? a joke?

inside of me some thing tells me everything not quite add up. its really weird. arrgh!!!! he is gd at making me staying awake no matter in wat circumstances. -.- wat shld i do? damn it.. if its really a joke what should i do? are we able to stay fren after that. i mean if its true i am very happy but there is stil not quite right.

i really wants to believe it. believe that he likes me. sum1 dear to me told me dun get my hopes up. what she say really makes a lot of sense. i really have no idea on what to do when it come to this type of matter. im helpless. what am i 2 do?

should i confront him? ask him is it true? i do not have such courage. should i continue keeping it a secret? i want an ans T.T
no matter what, i really cant decide now. but how long do i have? will problems come along? mayb i should wait for him 2 talk to me? but will he realise it. ( that wil b difficult since he so damn slow)

haiz..... now i can only leave it as it is and see what happen.

deeply confuse

2009-05-08T02:03:00.006+08:00

getting the silent treatment was'nt always the worse but getting it from your crush its the worse. mayb i shld hav kept my mouth shut. i dunno if its 2 late 2 back out not. wat if d worse come true? he never speak to me again? he will look at me in total different way? will he stil treat me as his friend? expressing one self is hard, very hard. in reality, every step hav to think properly. one could wish to be able to erase it but... if i erase it, den he wont noe how i feel. i hav to keep every ting al bottle up again. sum say crying makes u feel better... but no matter how hard i try... no tear stil willing to come down for me...

in the middle of the night

2009-05-03T18:34:00.002+08:00

what does it mean when a guy message you in the middle of the night? he misses you? wanted to see you? or just for the heck of it?

guy are so unpredictable...

one sided love

2009-05-02T04:52:00.005+08:00

I know you're tried your best
But that's not good enough for me
Understand, nevertheless
Love's gotta go both ways

Well you push me to the left
Then you push me to the right
But you gotta meet me in the middle
If you wanna make this right

But you gotta believe....
So here it is, here it is, baby here it is....

I wanna help you out, tell you what it's all about
What I feel, what I need, how's it gonna be
So what you wanna do, what you really wanna do
'Cause I've decided everything i want from you

One sided love Is never gonna work
So let me tell you something
That' I'm sure you've never heard of
Tender love and care
In case you're unaware
So I tell you what
Let me tell you where it's at
Hit me with your best shot

I'm giving you a second chance
But you gotta understand
If you don't know how to love me
I will find someone who can
So read my lips for the last time
I tell you now with no regret
if you don't get your act together
Even your name, I will forget

another gal another enemy

2009-05-02T03:54:00.002+08:00

i hate myself of tinking every gal outside as a possible enemy. every time he talk to a female, my fren envy show up. wat make me feel more guilty is, d gal is a great person n trying 2 b my fren. i kept myself under control and keep praying she dun lk him she dun lk him. at the end, it make me feel so selfish... i hate myself...

crying without tears

2009-04-28T04:21:00.002+08:00

i do not wan 2 hold it in but i have no way 2 let it out either. unable 2 sleep, i keep blaming myself. d worse part? even i... do not know what i truly wan. she is my best friend and all you could do is think about her make me feel even her. why her? i do admit she is more beautiful than me. but why? she already have a boyfriend, its not like she is single or anything. do you know how much it hurt me when you unable to sleep just thinking about her and to make matter worse, you message me to ask me about her? in your eyes, am i just a best friend? a buddy ? nothing more than a friend?

i am always by your side. i cheer you up when you are upset. i accompany you when you are lonely. but the minute you felt better i disappear from your sight.however to me, the minute i see your smile, every thing feel worth it. i hate this. its so unfair. i bet you are sleeping soundly thinking of her while I'm unable to sleep and end up blogging the night away. today i overhear a conversation between you and a friend of yours. she mention how you and i are single and keep on hanging out together and might end up being together. you without thinking a moment deny everything away. saying its impossible for us.

i hate you for saying that at least i wanted to hate you. the worse part of all is when i saw you i completely forgot about it. i felt useless and i hate myself for it. i am so frustrated. but you know what really takes the cake? its when you introduce me to your friend and try to be a matchmaker. i wanted to slap you. i really wanted to slap you. you juzt sitting there smiling away as if you are doing me a favour. trying to be a good buddy. at that moment everything look like blurred to me. all i could remember is i sat down and pretend nothing happen.

food tat my mum encourage me 2 eat

2009-04-23T21:00:00.004+08:00

fyi, i nvr eat or tasted any of it

my mum's fren trying 1 of d scorpian stick 2 show me its taste lk chicken

help out d world

2009-04-09T20:38:00.002+08:00

a simple click is all it takes to give something back to d world.

the hunger site was started in 1999 b a computer programmer named John Breen. the site gets sponsorship frm advertisers in return for delivering users who will c their advertisement. with each click at www.thehungersite.com you wil hav d immediate gratification of knowing you hav given d value of 1.1 cups of food to d hunger.

another site tat aims 2 alleviate world hunger is www.freerice.com all u need 2 do is play d site's word game n 4 each correct ans, sponsor wil giv 20 grains of rice 2 d UN World Food Program.

lastly d tong ai china project was started by UNICEF and d Dutch drug company GlaxoSmithKline 2 make it easy 4 u 2 help children in rural China get d vaccinations they need. wit every click on www.tongaichina.com RMB 1 will go toward tis cause, every 10 click means a child gets vaccinated. pianless 4 u, life-saving 4 them.

lollypop pop pop pop

2009-03-30T15:08:00.006+08:00

heart broken

2009-03-26T22:48:00.001+08:00

My days have been rainy though the sun's smiling rays
In a haze of confusion my heart can't find a way
To get rid of my heartache as I'm slowly dying
Weeping for a lost love I never had but still wanting.

Its been hard to let go and I'm crying every night
I've been trying to hide it but I just don't feel right
I've said my silent goodbye but I'm still falling apart
Everyday I keep feening and its breaking my heart.

Tell me how to end it so I can understand and see
Let me know what I did to make you stop loving me
I can fake a smile if that's what you want me to do
I can even pretend I'm okay just to be close again to you.

Sometimes I feel like you're all mine, just for a day
I wish for a time when we can make love the night away
And I'll always remember the time when you were
When I was the one in your arms and not her.

I miss you so much that I crumple in pain
So I just close my eyes and feel you're mine again
It'll ease my suffering even only for a minute
Then I'll live my life another day without you in it.

I don't know why not being with you is hurting me so much
I dream about you at night and I'm aching to feel your touch
Its harder to say goodbye now that I have to say it to you too
But until that day comes I'll just be heartbroken over you.

heart shatter part 2

2009-03-24T05:36:00.001+08:00

i know its wrong 2 meddle but i jz could not help it. 2 make matter worse, i feel tat i cant handle d truth.

my car

2009-02-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

its time 2 say goodbye 2 masda b hello 2 myvi

dunno wat 2 do

2009-02-03T00:31:00.002+08:00

i hate myself n i hate my life. i cant live under tis kind of presure. sum might tink of it as fun but i hate it. i hate n i hate it. mayb tat is not meant 2 b for me. mayb i shld hav keep my big fat mouth shut at d time n do ntg. every ting i do oly makes me feel its making it worse. ARRRGH!!!!

mama mia concert

2009-01-02T01:05:00.003+08:00

went 2 mama mia concert on 3 jan at stadium budaya. a lot better den i expected. they change d story line a bit but d ending stil d same. a few of other ABBA song r added in as well but cant recognise wat song is it. >.< d worst ting happen is i had a bad seat place. its way behind n way up. d ppl r so damn small. 2 make matter worse, its raining n damn jam. haiz....

my day as a bridemaid

2009-01-02T01:04:00.012+08:00

i know tat tis post is vy late but i gotten lazy. >.< now i hav a lot of time but lazy 2 poat pula. haizzz... so lets quickly get tis over wit, d nite b4 d wedding pinky came bac 2 melaka, i fetched her frm sentral n get jia tgr 2 hav dinner tgr. jia wil b staying wit me 4 d nite as she dun hav transport 2 go jen hse.

tis is taken whn we r in jen hse after d groom came. al d bridemaids hav 2 wear white, my least fave colour. -.-''

after d ceremony at jen hse, we went 2 d groom hse. pic taken in d couple's room.

it lasted til abt 2 pm n i damn tired after tat (bridemaid hav 2 b at d bride hse b4 6.30 am -.-'') dinner ceremony will b at 7pm but we hav 2 b thr abt 6pm. haizzz....... jia stay at my hse til d dinner ceremony tgr n since we both r tired, we took a nap tgr in my room. we slp til 4.30, i wanted 2 slp longer but jia alr woke up so i had 2 wake up as well T.T

pic during d dinner ceremony. no need 2 wear white any more. YEAH!!! ^.^

my fren drag me on d stage 2 sing a song 4 jen. they choose a chinese song. its damn bad 4 me as i cant read chinese, i cant even pronounce chinese well 4 god sake.

dinner ceremony r til 10.30pm. my fren tink its stil early so they decide 2 go 2 arena tgr wit d bestmen n other bridemaids. d groom n d bride wil b thr as well. im beat but my fren insist on me going so i gav in.

tgr in arena. had some drink n dance til abt 2. haizzz... even more tired.

in short, had a great time ;p

so much 2 do so little time

2008-12-27T05:41:00.003+08:00

first of all, gratz 2 jennifer o wat me n my fren cal her (nini) 4 getting marry in 28 dec 2008. i cant believe its so soon. T.T so fast b come someone else wife alr. hope u stil hav time hanging out wit us. fortunately i was invited 2 d wedding n im 1 of d bridemaid XD. OMZG!! tis is d first time i b bridemaid so i kind of excited abt it. going 2 post al abt it ltr.

christmas jz ended not long ago but cny is jz around d corner. a lot of preparation r being done, 4 those who noe me could tel tat im 2 lazy 2 help (which is true but tis yr i going 2 do my part) y? d other day, hm's mum came over n had a chat wit my grandma, they talked abt d preparation 4 cny. at tis point, my grandma say tat is gd 4 her as hm help a lot around her hse. her mum also said tat she been a great help n she vy grateful abt it. after her mum left, my aunt comment on how hardworking hm is. so tis time i wil try 2 help out n wont lost 2 hm (which is vy diff cuz she even help 2 wash d toilet, how could i top tat?) really salute 2 u gal!!

wil b starting my job on my aunt tax firm soon. its a pretty easy job. i go to work 2 days on d weekday frm 9.30am til 3 pm n d pay is abt 1k.i dun even hav 2 worry abt transport o accomodation as my aunt wil b driveing me n im living wit her. d oly bad news is her home do not hav internet access so i oly able 2 on9 during office hour.. (sob sob thr go my fave past time) however wil try 2 go bac 2 melaka frm time 2 time to have internet n curi tulang. (im tat lazy -.-'')

tats abt sum up every ting 4 now, im stil new 2 blog so upload wil b slow. im trying 2 b faster >.<

life changes

2008-12-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

nothing last forever. i find tis saying r damn accurate n true. wat i had n cherish now may b gone tmr. i jz graduate frm scm... feeling relieve and kind of depress at d same time. my routine and social lifes seems 2 b turning 360 degree. i gain a lot of freedom but now i felt it 2 b meaningless. sum may say tat now i am finish wit my diploma, i am closer 2 my goal. however it seem more far 2 reach for me. my determination drop every single day n every single second. its lk thr r a voice in my head saying jz give up, its no use, u r useless... now, im finding a gd degree course (which is d hardest ting, u have no idea malaysia hav how many col n uni) n trying 2 b as optismistic as i could. hoping 2 find wat i wan soon, if oly sum1 gets me sum hint.
as if tat is not enough, after christmas thr wil b another disaster happen 2 me. it was so damn shocking i dun even wan 2 mention wat is it. ( mostly b cuz im tired of typing so long ) haiz... really mis my carefree life n my frens...